Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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