So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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