his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
