How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
