I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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