All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
