people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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