The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
