paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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