Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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