You can't motorboat a personality
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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