matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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