I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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