You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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