Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
