we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
