i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
