He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
