Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
