Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
