Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
