i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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