My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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