btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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