The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
