Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
