plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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