I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
