Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
