I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
