he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
