I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
