my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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