Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I look better un-naked...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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