sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
