I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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