Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
