he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
