Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
