please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
