I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
