just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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