Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
