I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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