no, he came in my armpit
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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