dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
