sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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