so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
