So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
