for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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