So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
