I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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