I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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