remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
